CARPE DIEM.

okay. it's 1am.

i can't sleep. so i guess ill just write a blog.

i saw something in the Internet & it made me realize and ask myself WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?

it was actually a paragraph talking about the guilt you get for not pushing away anything that's in your way and CARPE DIEM.

Seize the day. i realized that i haven't really done anything daring to improve my life. i mean I've don't lots of daring stuff, but most of it didn't really cause a good impact in my life.

One thing i seriously regret is keeping all my feelings all to myself.

I haven't had one of those moments when my heart just takes over and blurts out what i really feel.

i have to admit, it would've made a hell of a lot of a difference if i spoke my mind.

For instance, if i had told Mr. Martin that i thought i deserved a better mark on my art project, he would've considered increasing my mark.

Or if i had been honest to my friend and had told her that i was mad at her, it would've solved the problem easier than what happened when i told everyone else but her. Or if i had honestly told my parents i was going to the mall with all boys, they wouldn't have allowed me either way, but they would've appreciated my honesty and gain trust with me. Or if i had told the people i liked that i liked them, i would've actually gone out with them......

While talking about this, i realized this is all caused my my major fear.

FAILURE & REJECTION

i realized that if i had pushed these fears aside. i would've gotten what i wanted.

today, i was really upset with my friend because he wouldn't ask out a girl he liked even though he knew

she was totally into him too! i got mad at him for not letting his true feelings out to the girl, for not taking a chance, for not living his life to its fullest potential. i realized i was being a hypocrite.

I never told anyone that i ever liked that i liked them STRAIGHT UP. it's always the case of someone else finding out and telling them.

in grade 4, i liked LUKE. never told him cuz i barely knew him. he doesn't know. he never will.

in grade 5, i liked KENNETH, never told him cuz he was three years older than me. he found out. it was too late.

in grade 6, i liked CHARLIE, i waited till' the last minute to tell him. i was too late.

in grade 7, i liked ROBERT, told a friend and it simply just spread around. he found out. i stopped liking him.

and so on.

i realized ... for every damn time i told someone they were a WUSS, a WIMP, a CHICKEN, and a GUTLESS LOSER.....i became a bigger one.

i learned to be better. I've learned that the only regrets in life are the things you didn't get to do. TAKE THE CHANCE, TAKE THE RISK cuz the only way you will fail is by not trying at all.

I'd like to dwell on the things i didn't get to do, but I've learned not to look back, or too far ahead, just focus on the present and live it to the fullest.

~I'd like to thank my friend, Remira Melendrez, for making me realize all of this. Rem, i owe you. Thank you so much. I love you. <3>

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." ~James Dean

ps.

this was probably my most life changing blog entry (=

sugarpie, honeybunch

okay, as you guys have probably notived by now....
i changed my background and everything.
it's actually been a while since i changed it :P

Well.....today was... FUN, i guess.
i have really nothing special to say about it.
it was a normal
& fun day with some of my awesomenest friends.

uhm....okay.
the rest of summer is passing me by.
i just wish my parents would let me go
wherever i wanna go. :(

i have a new goal for this summer.
i will "attempt" to learn the dance to Gee by SNSD.
....czu first of all.... it will be like the only type of eercise im willing to do.
second, it's looks fun.
Third, so i have somehting to teach my cousin (=


okay...ill go make that GOAL happen ;)
buh-bye.

Don't change (8)

Okay, correction for my summer '09 post.
Michael Jackson died on the 25th, not the 24th.
Sorry about that.

Anywho.....so i only have like....
precisely 2 weeks and 6 days until, YOU KNOW.
& i havent seen half the people i wanna see before, YOU KNOW.


~im so in love with this song called "Don't Change" by Musiq Soulchild.
it's ..... like the best thing a guy would tell a girl... preferably me :P
but honestly. it's so cuute. If you have the time, you should listen to it.
It'll make you feel better whenevr yer sad, cuz it worked for me.


FOR YOU:

I feel like I'm wasting my time. i feel like there's gonna be no end to this world i entered. i can't leave, even though i want to. People tell me there's a way....but i seriously doubt that. My hopes were as high as a mountain peak....& all that did to me was make me fall harder. You gave me false hope. False hope that climbed up the heavens........but i still ended up in hell. This may sound crazy to other people, but even though i already fell, even though you hurt me more than once, I'm still trying. it's really CRAZY. but life is all about taking risks, right?......so I'm going to take this huge one and put my whole being on the line, because nothing else would make me happier than to have you.

here we go again,

Kso, why it have to be like this ?....
whay can't life be easy for me ..... atleast once ?!
Once i stop chasing the damn train.......it starts to chase me.
i just can't handle this anymore.

thers just too much on my mind right now.
& im putting out all these emotions into this little screen.

FCUK. i just can't waste my time anymore on this crap.

but ..... i can't just stop.
....okay, im losing my mind.

so........ im gonna try and sleep now.

GOOD FREAKING NIGHT.