PERFECTION.

if i had to paint a picture of perfection, it would be you.

maybe im just sayen this cuz i don't now you well enough, but right now..

i really am jealous of you.

Is the universe tryna tell me that i can't be like you?.. ever?

cuz everything i wanna be is you.

everything i want, you have.

THE TWO PEOPLE I WANNA BE WITH ARE ALWAYS WITH YOU.

why in the hell?..

it makes me wanna just stab you and steal all your freaking talents... lol

sounds a little morbid, sorry.

but honestly, why why why?

maybe im having that tween body image issue shit again..

maybe not.

but stop being perfect.

i know that looking for people's flaws won't make me any better,

but it would make me feels nice just to find something wrong with you.

maybe you're not human haha

it's kindah weird sayen all this crap about a girl...

kindah homo, but i do not intend it to be...

im just really jealous >.<

They say no human is perfect...

so what the fuck are you? ..

surprising turn of events...

so that's all it took for you to talk to me?..

LOL i feel so STOOOPEEEED.

I'm starting to think now that i play a big part on the drifting away from each other situation...

cuz i always thought that you DONT wanna talk to me or w/e

but in the last two days,

i tried my very best to not ignore you in the halls,

i tried so hard to say hi and NOT look desperate for a reply.

one time i said hi and you replied without even looking at me..

ouch.

haha, but it was good enough for me.

anyway.. all that 'hard work' paid off i guess :P

you finally talked to me...

started a conversation...

SUCCESS.

i missed it so much.

harhar.

when you asked me that question, in my mind i was like:

Is he talking to me? ... Can't be. He must be talking to the girl beside me. But he said my name...what the heck? i didn't plane for this...what do i do now?

i kindah panicked LOL.

but i missed how u talk to me as a friend.

i felt like we were friends again lool.

but i know it's gonna take much more talking to get to that point...

but we're going somewhere,

right?

what the hell.

we had vocals today...

well we have vocals everyday...but

we had a test type of thing today to figure out if we're soprano, alto, or w/e

i totally bombed it haha

i was SOOO OFF TUNE.

like i felt bad for my teacher lmfao.

and the poor man was so disoriented by my voice that he assigned me to be a soprano...

was i that bad that he put me in the first group he thought of ?...

ugh..

i feel really bad for him still..

he might be having nightmares of my singing,

Sorry, sir..

aaaah shit.

ohmaaan,

that must've hurt.

i feel bad fo' ya kid.

this is getting so bipolar.

okay guysss...

im gonna try and make this as short as possible cuz im supposed to be doing my homework atm...

but obviously im kindah lofting.

lmao.

Lemme talk about my past blog that was titled "ew, im a sophomore"

i don't know if anyone noticed, but there was an invisible message there lol.

so, if u read tht hidden message....

i just wanna say that i take it back.

it was a little too harsh....i was just really upset at the moment and i wanted to vent sooo bad.. it just came out the wrong way you know?

kay,

so lemme re-blog the whole point of that message in better terms:

okay fine. i admit. maybe i do still have some feelings for you....i mean, it's really not that easy to get over you. you WERE my official first.. so, it was obviously not nearly as easy as you had it....i KNOW you got over me pretty quickly.. within the first week i heard from a mutual fried that you liked someone else. and that hurt. just sayen. i wrote in my blog how i "HATE" you and poop like that. but honestly, i dont. i just really hate the fact that you didnt keep any of your promises.. i understand that waiting for years is too much to ask a 14 year old pubescent male for...but you never even said sorry. you never said a proper goodbye. you never gave a me a proper explanation. you never told me you moved on. you never stayed friends with me like you promised. thats my real dilemma. NOT YOU. it's what you said you'd do, but never did. It's really hard to move on with a one-sided closure to the situation. i never got closure from you, so i don't really know what to think. actaully, i do, but my heart tells me otherwise. kindah cheesy, but its the truth. You don't even say hi anymore...i feel like i did something wrong... honestly, if i did TELL ME. cuz i honestly dont kno...i mean asking you to wait four years blah blah and breaking up with you and 'breaking your heart' was bad...but i apologized like a kajillion times. if you still hold it against me, than i really have nothing else to do. i did all i could and i tried. Truth is, when we broke up, i wanted you back. i was willing to risk my parents' trust just to be with you. But then i fond out you liked this other chick. so i just kept it to myself....and it hurt sooo bad. it was like holding back vomit. my throat was burning...cuz i didnt say what i wanted to say (weird analogy, but w/e). That's when it got awkward....because i didnt and couldnt say that i wanted you back...i stayed away from you. but i didnt really have to, cuz you stayed away form me. cuz seeing you in the halls, in woodshop, and vocals now..... just makes that word vomit keep going higher up in my throat.. and its harder to contain myself. so if i dont say hi to you, that's why. cuz im afraid i might say something that you weren't meant to hear. Something that would change everything.. and i dont want change... cuz you're happy now. and the last thing i wanna do is change that, you know?....i forgive you. but it still really hard cuz you never apologized...but oh well... i know one day you're gonna find out all of this shit ...if not from someone who read it from here, it would be from me. cuz i cannot hold this word vomit forever. one day, im just gonna puke it all out to you... and you're gonna be so overwhelmed... and im sorry in advance. LOL That day isnt gonna be soon tho....maybe in 3/4 years? lol. ugh whatever.

night.

gottah do my homework. (:

cuuuuuuties (:

OHMY.

theres some cute niners in my school..

LOL

no gonna lie, but my generation is butt uglaaay.

Theres this guy who looks like BLANK but is kindah sortah cuter...

the thing is, he looks like a player.

anyway.

lemme talk to you guys about Vitamins :P

so vitamins dissed me today,

sayen i was soft cuz i didnt finish my damn homework.

what an ass.

the thing is,

vitamins is sooooo adorable.

mhhhmm, he's such a cuties.

he's like part of the 10% of my generation that is cute :P

im so mean.

anyway,

i should finish my homework...

just to prove him wrong that i CAN survive IB (:

guuuuurl.

ohman guys...

this weekend, i have been painting my nails and shaping my eyebrows and such...

and my mom was like "you're turning into a girl!"

uhhhm, haven't i always been a girl?

apparently im turning into a woman O.O

im not really sure about tht... i mean i just painted my nails ...

ok w/e

my mom's probably over reacting. lol

ew, im a sophmore.

Today was the second day of my second year of highschool, and i'm already stressed. lol

im so new to this IB shit...like wow.

i keep tellin myself i can do it, but maybe there's a bigger chance that i can't. haha. im such a pessimist.

I hate history, like always...im pretty sure i mentioned it in my blog when i was in grade 8 that i absolutely despise history (:

well, i ugess its not that bad. i just really dnt like all that reading and writeing and memorizing. D:

too much work...

oh well, i practically signed up for a ton of work by joining IB.

Uhm... what else is new ?

I actually finished all my work now... and its exactly 12:00am lol

OMG i was almost late today.

i came to school at exactly 8:26 ....then i speed-walekd my way to religion. (:

speaking of religion, it's actually very interesting.

we're learning T.O.K. (Theory Of Knowledge)

it makes me question so much shit. Like, what caused the big bang theory? can everything actually be explained by science? am i actaully human? LMFAO. it's too cool.

uhm, my second period is vocals with JANA BANANA (:

it's okay i guess... i mean today's lesson or class or whatever you call it was better than yesterday :P

we actually sang today haha... i thought i would be off-tune but i wasnt..

atleast i thought i wasnt. -.-

it wud really suck if i was tone-deaf and couldn't know if i was off-tune or on-tune....

Oh and you.

ohmy goodness, i know i told myself that i would stop talking about you behind your back..but really i cant stand being in the same class as you.

it hits the very nerve of my patience. I know you liked her...u told me... and i have proof. i have the fucken conversation we had. I can't just sit there see you flirting with her. Wait, why the fuck am i jealous? aren't i over you? i am. i think. Maybe. i don't know. She has a boyfriend for crying out loud. but you know what, theres so much more things that bother me being in vocals with you. She's not the only person you are friendly with. not that i care. okay, maybe i do. but atleast have the respect not to do it infront of me. cuz it still hurts a little. i don't know if you're just too oblivious to the fact that its killing me, or you wanna make me think you've moved on. Honestly, i knew you moved on since TIME. since the start of grade 9 second semester. i knew you liked someone else. I actually wanted you back, before i found out you were on tips with someone else. i was gonna take you back and hide everything from my parents just so we could be together, ucz i missed you like crazy. a week before i was gonna talk to you, you started driftin away from me...not going to my locker area, not talkign to me or saying hi... i had to say hi or hello first, which was like a slight slap in the face. Then i find out from one of our mutual friends that you like someone else? oh man. that was a snake bite right there. im pretty sure you promised to tell me tht if you liked someone else you would tell me FIRST. and i promised the same thing. you broke it. so it didnt bother keeping tht intact either. ive liked a couple of guys since then, and i never told you. well, you know what? i have no respect for you what so ever. you can do your thing, with your bald head, or whatever. you can chop some niner or a junior and get them pregnant I DON'T CARE. cuz you never even said sorry. you never said a proper goodbye. you never kept your promise. you said you would be my friend, but what kind of fucked-up friend would do that? .... all i need is an apology and im good. but for now, i have a passionate hate for you. See you tomorrow, douchebag.

any way, goodnight/mornin' (:

fifteen.

it's probably September 2 already.. but most people know that September 1st is my date of birth LOL

uhh, i turned fifteen today/yesterday.

at first when i woke up at 7 in the frekaing morning, i didnt feel any different.

Like nothin happnd at all haha.

Well, that all changed later that day.

I had a party inviting all my closest friends.

I actually thought it would be very awkward since there was a little tension that was going on between that group.

Actually, there was somewhat an awkward atmosphere in the beginning.

we watched the black version of the grudge LOL

it was stupid...i honestly didnt understand the plot of tht movie. it was craaaaaaaaaap.

then we decided to play this game called "Box of Questions"

haha, inspired by the Jersey Shore cast :P

anyway, we played 4 round i think?

and every round got more and more intense.

Lots of shit went down, good shit tho..if there is such thaang.

People confessed, apologized, explained, the whole enchalada.

it was good. it brought all of us together in a very weird way.

I STILL WANNA KNO WHO WROTE THT CHEESE NOTE THO D;

hahaha, i have a feeling i kno who it is lol...

but im not gnna point fingers(:

so anywhooo, the tension slowly broke down...

it was actually very emotional.

I CRIED, BELIEVE IT OR NOT HAHA.

im pretty sure all of us teared up.

after all of that emo stuff LOL,

we decided to have a cake fight. oh man, icing EVERYWHERE.

it was too fun...

obviously we cleaned up cuz my asian ass parents would def. scold me for tht.

uhhhm, all in all it was a fucken good day (Y)

it was nice fixing all the shit the same day i turned fifteen.

it made me feel special ahaha.

A message to my girls,

Steffi Marcos

Remira Melendrez

Joanne Berja

Michelle Delamasa

Louise Salvador

Nathalie Panelo

Kristin Carnate

Jana Paynor

~Y'all are amazing. i don't even have the right words to describe it. You made my birthday so damn amazing, that i don't think any of my next birthdays will ever top it haha. Thank you all for the gifts and food, and cards. I very much appreciate it. I really regret not keeping in touch with all of you after graduation. Honestly, freshman year was so shit for me w/o you guys. My mind was set on dumb and senseless shit that i didnt realize i was slowly drifting away. If i didnt have Jana with me, i would've definitely had a break down. I didnt really have anyone to talk to...and no one to cry to (gettin a little cheesy here lol) But now i know i got 8 lovely ladies who got my back. And i definitely got all of y'all. i have pretty wide shoulders, so if you need a person to cry on...COME TO MOMMA. lmfao. You guys are the bomb-diggity. i love you all. I promise you that i will never forget this day. You guys will always have a place in my heart. *bows* lol.

no seriously tho, NOTHING, NOT EVEN A BLACK GRUDGE, WILL EVER TEAR US APART NOW. cuz we stuck like glue.

hahaha, y'all are the cheese to mah macaroni, the music to my ears, the nails on my toes and the apple to my pie.

and to quote steph, "..You guys can't be replaced..." <3

haha im getting very corny, so imma end this.

i love you guys, and thank you for everything (:

best birthday to date.