almost 16.

whaddup homeslices,

so....it's 2:20am aug. 31st....

in less than 24 hours, i'm going to be 16 years old.

i don't really know what to think of it.

I'm not quite sure if i should be sad or happy or excited..

i can't say i have mixed feelings about...cuz to be frank...i have NO feelings towards this upcoming event.

another year passed by....

isn't that just a reminder that i'm getting old?

Sweet sixteens are sculpted by society to be this coming of age thing...

the girl becoming a lady.

i'm still a little girl.

and im fat and ugly...

when i was about 8...i thought when i turn 16, i will be this beautiful girl that everyone likes.

obviously that was wishful thinking

cuz im here...

just me.

fat

ugly

stupid

and all.

nothing else to offer really...

when i turn 16 tomorrow...

i will be sad.

i AM a pessimist.

so w/e.

the only think i will be looking forward to is taking my G1.

for real.

maybe my opinion will change tomorrow...but

right now, im feeling kind of like shit.

random facts.

i'll be posting atleast 5 random facts whenever i feel like it.

so here ya gooo.

1. i have a secret youtube channel that i will be posting videos in LOL

nobody knows about it. so HA.

2. I'm trying to grow my nails right now. I am very much tempted to bite them off.

3. it's 4am and i ca't sleep

4. 7 more days til JERSEY! <--i'm going to jersey w/ my lovely fam.

5. it takes me FOREVER to clean my room. cuz i wait til it's supah messy lol bad habit.

6. i will play family feud on my fb account after i post this.

bye.

Alone in life forever, yo.

I'm not one to eavesdrop...lol

well...sometimes people just do shit in front of me like i'm freaking invisible.

so i know lots of stuff that i'm pretty sure i'm not supposed to.

Taking in all the classified information that i retained, i've realized that i'm the only one [in my present group of friends] that hasn't been communicating with an ex.

Do i have some kind of disease. though? I mean... I have always wanted to be friends with an ex, even before i started to be interested in dating.

I have no clue if I'm the problem or if it's him

i admit, i'm very socially awkward.

But c'mon...he's like unapproachable.

He talked shit about his exes when we were together, i'm quite sure he did the same thing when we had 'broken up'.

Am i just supposed to go up to him and say "what's up? hows the hoes?"..

like...there's nothing to say.

Nothing worth talking about atleast.

when starting a conversation with ANYONE....

i usually start with these topics:

1. school/work

2. friends(mutual) or w/e

3. relationships lol

4. problems

5. the weather? (ony when it gets really awks and a conversation must be started)

if i ask the x-man about school...i'm not gonna have anything to relate to cuz he's in academic...and i don't wanna seem like im bragging by talking about my IB tings.

if i ask him about friends...i'm gonna just get frustrated cuz we don't have mutual friends anymore..he dumped them the day he dumped me lol

correction. i dumped him. but you get the point.

it's just gonna be awks cuz my friends are awesome, but he doesn't really know them. and his friends are... the popular bitches and douches that i really have no interest in. so that topic would just go down the drain.

if i talk about relionships. OH LAWD. no. don't even get me started. i don't wanna hear about all these cyatts that he has banged. i don't i really DON'T. but if i do ask him about his love life, i'm gonna seem like i still care about who he's with. which i don't.

if i ask him about problems..he's not gonna tell me the ones worth talking about cuz that closeness has faded to nothing between us. it's gone.

Definitely not going to talk to him about weather...he's not worth it.

so there you have it.

i can't talk to him

it's just not gonna happen.

Yeah, i feel left out cuz i'm the only one who hasn't reconciled with their ex.....

but hey..

i've only had one ex...

maybe it would help if i made more ;)

miss miss.

hey duur.

if you're reading this,

you probably know that i made my blog public again.

YAY!

why?

well...i decided that making it private will just conjure up some rumours about how i have deep secrets..

yeah.

i miss writing in here.