but i don't care

"This is _____ date's dress" lol haha

no, i definitely don't give a shit.

but why am i writing a blog about it?

i don't care wtf is this. 

wait

ugh this is annoying.

i really don't wanna care but it seems that I do.

I DON'T CARE OMG WTF

i'm sounding like a schizo right now.

but really okay fine, i fucking care. OKAY. I DO. SHIT.

idk man. 

Now i don't want to go to prom.

i just want to stay home and eat some melona. 

this is gay.

i don't want to go.

gdi

i don't wanna see other people look better than me or other people with people that i wanted to be with.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

i just want to not life. can i teleport to a different parallel world. fuck. 

my life is butt & i want out. 

but i don't care, stull.

Just kill me please

I hate English. Sorry. Not in general, but my current English class. It pisses me off so much I actually want to go all American gun violence massacre when I'm in it. Lol just kidding, but it really makes me depressed. Also & make that class more fricking unbearable. Like stop, you piss me off gtfo. I just really want June to come, so I'm fully free of any obligation to affiliate or even see &. Bye

never ending cycle

when i'm depressed...
I go to tumblr and look at pictures of nathan, bora, and donghae.
then I get momentarily happy.
really happy.
then I realize...
that
I can't look like Bora.
I can't marry Donghae.
I can't have Nathan's babies.
then
I get depressed again...
the cycle continues.

sad, sad life of me.

"Human Relationships are Unpredictable"

It's funny how we picked the theme of uncertainty and unpredictability in human relationships to find quotes for our English class today. I would have never thought that it would directly apply to me, to us. 

Today, a group member decided to withdraw from our "dance crew". I cried, we all cried. To be honest, I didn't expect myself to feel emotionally affected by her decision. We all expected it to happen, anyway. But I cried. I couldn't control it. Which is extremely strange since about 2 days ago, I wanted to kick her out myself. But now that she's actually out, now that it's real and there's no way we can reverse the situation, it hurt me.

Our dance crew is not just a  group of dancers trying to perform. It's more than that. A symbol. A physical representation of our bond. It's the base of our friendship. I would not be friends with literally half of the people in our group if I didn't join their dance crew. Her not being there...I feel that there's going to be a hole that nothing else can fill. But we're still going to be friends, right? I hope.

How unpredictable is that? I swore I didn't give two shits about my relationship/friendship with her, but...in the end I was saying empty words out of pure frustration. I DO care. She was a friend, she still is...and nothing can change that. Yes, we've slightly diverged from each other. But at least now I know it's because of factors that none of us can control. Her health is something that shouldn't be compromised just because of our performance; I get that. But I'm still disappointed that she will not be up on the International Night stage with us. Regardless, I'll stay her friend. I'll be there for her when she needs me. There will definitely be times that I will be frustrated and angry that she decided to leave, but I'll learn how to deal with it eventually for our friendship's sake. 

Six people may dance on the stage of our last International Night, but there will always, always be seven members in Generation '95.  





p.s.
at least now I know I need waterproof eye make-up for graduation