Starting over is soo hard.

have you ever had tht feeling when the person you love the most
is trying to phase you out of their life?

i sortah have that.
Wen you love someone,
you will do whatever it takes to make them happy, right?
no matter how much it hurts, right?

well, im having those really vain moments right now thts preventing me from doing the right thing.
the hurt is too much for me
i can't just start over like that...
it had gone too far for me to try and forget about it.

it's like running 10k
and trying to jump all the way back to the starting line...
with ONE leap.
impossible.

it's really hard for me.
i wanna deal with it,
and help you
and do what's best.

but something is stopping me.
i miss you SO much.
like, it's not evn funny.
do you miss me?...
i doubt it.
theres hardly anything to miss, right?
i mean... besides my mood swings, my idioticness, my randomness, and stupidity...
what's left to miss?

i really hope you understand,
that you're really special to me.
and it's pretty impossible to think of you just as a random person...
when you have my heart in your hands.

2010 -.-

wow, it's been a WHILE you guyssss....

i actually miss writing stupid thoughts here in my blog...
i have no time anymore -.-
stupid highschool.
giving me loads of homework.
taking up too much time to get there and leave.
uggh, piss offs...

so here's the first stupid thought for the new year....

why am i still jealous?
arent i supposed to be over you?..
im POSITIVE i don't have anymore feelings for you.
i have someone else in mind.
TRUST ME.
coz i trust myself in that.
Maybe it's not jealousy.
maybe it's ..... just bothering me....
the fact that i never got a chance...
the fact that i wasn't good enough..
the fact that we could've been
Maybe it's just that...right?
You no longer have a place in my heart.
i have other REAL friends that take up all the space in there.
& it's gnna be hard for you to get back in.
You're probably not gnna be in the same spot as you were,
but thts the way it is.

SO SO SO SO SO SO,
there it is...
try and figure THAT out :P
wahahahaha, so can you guys tell me...
is JEALOUSY a form of LOVE ?