It's been quite some time since I last wrote an entry using a laptop/computer and not my iTouch (:
It feels good to be back with a bigger screen.
warning: [RANT 'BOUT THYSELF] you should exit while you can b/c this is just towards me and no one else.
why aren't i enough? wait. I thought I was done with the insecure stage of my life.... apparently it's a recurring thing =.= We had our grad pictures taken today and ... i absolutely hated it. I could blame it on the trainee photographers whom i do not think were even a smidge bit qualified to take pictures, but i'm pretty sure my face/self would've looked the same if it were a professional taking the pictures. I do not like who i am. I do not like what i look like. It absolutely appalls me. The problem is, I'm not sure if this is because I compare myself to other people, I take to heart criticisms of people, or i'm just that disgusting that i am incapable of accepting myself. does that even make sense? idek. And it's not even just appearance. I just - what is wrong with me? I get a damn 93% on one of my tests and I still feel inadequate. I do know it's a good grade, i know it's better than good! but why do i feel so empty? aren't i supposed to feel happy? satisfied? I don't. I feel like i could've done better. But could i? Am i too hard on myself? GDI I AM WORSE THAN THE MOST ASIAN PARENTS EVA. (no racism intended) but idk. i just feel like i'm at the bottom of the spectrum all the time and....it sucks. i hate it and it just makes me feel like poop. idk how to deal with this or what to do to stop it. Can even be stopped? I think i'll just lay low for now. I won't do anything that will attract attention from anyone. (not that anything i do attracts any attention from anyone, anyway =.=) I would hate to say it, but i'm back to being insecure. I'm back to hating myself. woohoo teenager probz / my probz
