O_o

there's nothing else i can say.

WOW, so this turned into a complete fucking disaster.

i vent out all my feelings to one person,

then they tell you cuz they apparently 'care about me'.

...and then i turn out to the bitch who started shit.

Mmhhhmmm, cuz life fucking loves me.

since telling someone else how i really feel started this whole bonanza,

i kinda of have to talk to you and straighten everything out.

and i want to.

ONE PROBLEM:

talking to you about real shit is the one thing i have been avoiding since our 'break up'

Mostly everyone i asked for advice told me that talking to you IN PERSON would be best...

i totally agree with them

but honestly,

im too much of a wuss to talk to you in person.

i mean, i cant even look at you

cuz doing so brings up memories that im pretty sure i shouldn't be remembering.

i'll be completely honest with you, and say that i did try to phase you out of my life..

and im coming off a a hypocrite because i dont want YOU to phase ME out of you life.

and thts what kindah started this situation...

i thought you were mad at me and i felt like u were phasing me out cuz you dont even tlk to me anymore.

not even a hi.

just so you know, my whole plan of forgetting you didnt exactly work out.

it's physically impossible for me to phase out someone i see every damn day.

and is related to every damn thing i see.

Maybe to you it's easy, but i just can't do it.

i cannot hold grudges...of all people, you should know that.

well, i just wanted to clear out the fact that i didnt mean to 'talk shit'

if you consider what i did 'talking shit'

i just wanted to know if you were mad at me cuz you barely even consider my existence anymore.

the cut-eye thing..lemme explain:

i told Haran that sometimes i feel like you you give me cut-eye...i also said that it was probably me just being paranoid. we even made a joke about it saying that i might've thought you gave me cut-eye, but it's actually just your chinky eyes.

i didnt mean it to be serious...

i mean.... i didnt want it to sound like "oh he hates me and he's a jerk cuz he gave me cut-eye"

honeslty, what i wanted to say was far from that.

im sorry if it came across the wrong way...

i should've made things more clear with Haran..

and just for the record,

i have no intention of talking shit about you.

im just not that type of person.

sorry again.

what a life (:

in the past couple of days, i failed 2 math tests..

found out some shit that i didnt really wanna know,

and i have 2 tests on monday.

what a life.

on a good note,

i have the new youtube downloader!

YAY! (:

here's the site if anyone needs it (:

http://download.cnet.com/YouTube-Downloader/3000-2071_4-10647340.html

just follow the instructions on how to download videos and music & voila!

you got it all (:

12:40

my thoughts and my theories were right.

someone, whom by the way you should not trust, just confirmed my accusations of u.

( i sound like a bootleg cop show )

well, i guess it's official.

you know the funny thing tho?..

i don't even give a puking pegasus about u lol

i mean, here i am...

still the only person who knows the REAL you...

but i could care less about you and what you are making out of your pathetic excuse of a life.

i dont wanna sound cocky or anything like that..

but it really IS your loss.

i sound so mad right now..

maybe i am.

not at you, but at myself.

i feel so stupid for not realizing your potential to murk up my life before.

oh well....

im so over your shit,

everything you put me through,

your stupid lies,

your broken promises.

im so over you.

Done.

i know i've said this so much time already.

but im so sure now.

im done.

perfect one.

oh hai.

i feel kind of lonely.

i know there's other people who feel the same, but..

right now it feels like im the odd one out that will be forever alone.

):

i wanna be someone's PERFECT ONE,

you know what i mean?...

haha k, im warning anyone right now...that this blog entry shall be very cheesy.

so if you don't like cheesy stuffs, i suggest you get out of heerrreee.

maybe this blog is all about love, or all against love.

iunno.

but im sure love is in it somehow.

i mean, it's what i want, right?..

i wnna be loved.

sort of haha

right now maybe isn't the perfect time to have that kind of thing...since im supah busy with school..

but still...

im a teenager, and i want things that i can't have :P

LOVE or whatever y'all wanna call it has betrayed me more than once.

one of these days imma freaking give up on it, i swear.

i don't wanna explain how love betrayed me...i hate trying to remember what happnd.

so let's just say it was hella painful.

and so i want love back, but at the same time i don't anything to do wit it LOL

im so complicated.

iunno.

i think i'll just sit in a corner,

admire people who have already found their "PERFECT ONE"

...and be forever alone.

GOAL GOAL GOAL

kay guys,

since i feel very very very fat today,

i shall make a goal for my self.

PLEASE TAKE NOTE IF YOU GO TO PJPII, CUZ I'M GONNA HAVE TO FULFILL THIS GOAL NO MATTER WHAAAT,

i promise myself..

that next year, i will join the cross-country team.

haha.

no seriously.

i know im not a runner,

and im prolly gonna be the last person to finish any race....

but i need the exercise ROFL

and and and and,

i wanna see half nekkid boys during the meets (:

cuz my friend jana informed me after one of her meets,

that there were sexy bare mans EERRRRRWHEEERRREEE.

it's a win win situation lol.

i get execise,

and entertainment ;D

at the same tiiiime.

so, remeber that peoples... for i will stop at nothing to achieve this goal (:

actually, if i dont feel like it, i wont join...

but so far, all signs point to yes :P

g'niiiite

Thanksgiving 2k10

Last year i posted a thanksgiving blog..

and i put most of the things i am thankful for..

here's a repeat :P

some things i as most thankful for this year (:

IM THANKFUL FOR:

~my mom and dad. They put up with my bullshit errrday

~my sister HAHA she loves me, i know it

~other relatives cuz they will always be there for me

~fooood every year i will be thankful for this...cuz im like its #1 fan haha

~PJPII, vuz i made it rhu grade 9 with ease...

~my brown friends lol cuz they keep me company during lunch

~Mr. Folk. cuz you are just an awesome vocal teacher. and who the hell knew you had a music video?!

~water cuz you quench my thirst ( :

~Mr. Sun cuz you make me smile.

~Peanut ....well, you made stronger

~Mel and Marvin... cuz i think y'all are the only ones who read my blog rofl

~the turkey i just ate like... minute ago

~the IB program? iunno why im thnk ful for ya, but i guess you keep me busy

~the internet, for without it...im dead.

~oh gosh....im sleepy

~OH, SLEEEP. i need yuh

~my 8 lovely ladies... ya'll know who you are <3>

~so much mor things.. but im sleepy so..

goodnight (:

love you like i always do.

People want me to confront you,

and ask you what the hell your intentions really are...

i tell them i already know that you moved on.

i lied.

i actually don't know.

truth is, i'm just scared to confront you..

you're one of the few people i am afraid to have a heart-to-heart conversation with...

even when we were together...

talking to you about serious stuff made me shit bricks...lol

cuz i wasn't used to being so serious with a person before..

i'm still not used to it.

I'm probably never gonna try and talk to you about this...

at least not anytime soon.

maybe in time when i actually figure out what i'm gonna say (:

~even if i don't really know what you're thinking or feeling right now about me,

i have this gut feeling that you still think about me once in a while.

haha, i seem crazy right? but i feel like i should trust this gut feeling, yknow?

last time i had this feeling, i ignored it, and it turned out to be right..

but i was too late to realize it.

i'm not sayen that we'll get back together and all..

and i'm just saying that i have a feeling you don't completely hate me...

and that you're not completely over me.

for one thing,

you posted OUR SONG in your account.

hmmmn, i wonder why?...

lol

and you try to ignore me...

well guess what?!

i read this book about teen psychology...

and it said that guys stop talking to their exes...especially if they were the ones who got dumped...cuz they are simply still trying to get over them.

same thing with girls..

i hate to admit it, but it's kindah true.

i avoided you cuz i wasnt over you yet...and i was forcing myself to move on.

hhhmn, iunno..

maybe im just making excuses...

maybe you're avoiding me cuz...you simply dont care anymore..

i dont know.

i never will for sure.

but like i said...

my gut is tellin me,

tht you'll always have feelings for me,

like i always will for you (:

holy shucks.

ohhhhhmaaaan.....

it's almost 3am in the morning, it's a school night...

why in hell am i still awake?

well, lemme tell you.

i hve a vocal test tmrw LOL

and we have to sing the gayest song ever. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.

well, it's not rlly a gay song...it just pisses me off how hard it is to sing D;

i have been practicing since i got home...

and im still kindah scared

i cant sleep cuz i keep thinking about it..

and failing a damn elective course )x

im soooo scared. i dont like singing infront of people...alone.

why did i choose this course?..

cuz im stupid. LOL

atleast i have jana with me ^.^

i might drag her down with my frog voice,

but maybe she can camouflage me with her angelic voice (:

im very much hoping fr that.

ugh, i cant sleep...

what to doooooo....

i cant really practice singing right now, cuz my momma and poppa are sleeping alrdy...

D;

i hope i dnt fail.

especially infront of the beast, the sun, and the peanut LOL

im using code names cuz i kno mel or marvin might be reading this :P

hi guys (:

annnnnyyywwwaaaaaaay,

im gonna go to youtube now and put BEAUTY AND THE BEAST on replay...

until i fall asleep (:

gooood.....morning