im gonna try and make this as short as possible cuz im supposed to be doing my homework atm...
but obviously im kindah lofting.
lmao.
Lemme talk about my past blog that was titled "ew, im a sophomore"
i don't know if anyone noticed, but there was an invisible message there lol.
so, if u read tht hidden message....
i just wanna say that i take it back.
it was a little too harsh....i was just really upset at the moment and i wanted to vent sooo bad.. it just came out the wrong way you know?
kay,
so lemme re-blog the whole point of that message in better terms:
okay fine. i admit. maybe i do still have some feelings for you....i mean, it's really not that easy to get over you. you WERE my official first.. so, it was obviously not nearly as easy as you had it....i KNOW you got over me pretty quickly.. within the first week i heard from a mutual fried that you liked someone else. and that hurt. just sayen. i wrote in my blog how i "HATE" you and poop like that. but honestly, i dont. i just really hate the fact that you didnt keep any of your promises.. i understand that waiting for years is too much to ask a 14 year old pubescent male for...but you never even said sorry. you never said a proper goodbye. you never gave a me a proper explanation. you never told me you moved on. you never stayed friends with me like you promised. thats my real dilemma. NOT YOU. it's what you said you'd do, but never did. It's really hard to move on with a one-sided closure to the situation. i never got closure from you, so i don't really know what to think. actaully, i do, but my heart tells me otherwise. kindah cheesy, but its the truth. You don't even say hi anymore...i feel like i did something wrong... honestly, if i did TELL ME. cuz i honestly dont kno...i mean asking you to wait four years blah blah and breaking up with you and 'breaking your heart' was bad...but i apologized like a kajillion times. if you still hold it against me, than i really have nothing else to do. i did all i could and i tried. Truth is, when we broke up, i wanted you back. i was willing to risk my parents' trust just to be with you. But then i fond out you liked this other chick. so i just kept it to myself....and it hurt sooo bad. it was like holding back vomit. my throat was burning...cuz i didnt say what i wanted to say (weird analogy, but w/e). That's when it got awkward....because i didnt and couldnt say that i wanted you back...i stayed away from you. but i didnt really have to, cuz you stayed away form me. cuz seeing you in the halls, in woodshop, and vocals now..... just makes that word vomit keep going higher up in my throat.. and its harder to contain myself. so if i dont say hi to you, that's why. cuz im afraid i might say something that you weren't meant to hear. Something that would change everything.. and i dont want change... cuz you're happy now. and the last thing i wanna do is change that, you know?....i forgive you. but it still really hard cuz you never apologized...but oh well... i know one day you're gonna find out all of this shit ...if not from someone who read it from here, it would be from me. cuz i cannot hold this word vomit forever. one day, im just gonna puke it all out to you... and you're gonna be so overwhelmed... and im sorry in advance. LOL That day isnt gonna be soon tho....maybe in 3/4 years? lol. ugh whatever.
night.
gottah do my homework. (:
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