wut

i'm so stoopid, honestly.

i cannot make up my mind on how i feel about you.

some days i wanna stab your face,

and some days i just...wanna talk to you.

But you know what?

this is not my fault.

well, it is partially, but you have a part in it toooooo

i mean, MAKE UP YOUR MIND..lol

i'm being a hypocrite atm, but WUH-EVAH

most days you don't even acknowledge my existence...

we have eye-contact...then you look away like i was transparent.

and in extremely rare days like today... you say hi to me like no bad blood was shed between us.

like...what in the butt?

either phase me out completely so i can get over your ass

or

talk to me so i can get a proper closure to GET OVER YOUR ASS, and we can be friends.

i'd like the second one better...

but it's the harder option.

i can be the bigger person and be the one who acknowledges you first,

but...

honestly, the fact that you have the power to just shoot me down, the fact that you can refuse being friends with me, the fact that you might hate me because of the choices i made....terrifies the shit out of me.

i just can't deal with exerting a maximum amount of effort into reconnecting with you, and just end up as a failure.

i can't.

it might sound cheesy, but i don't wanna lose you again.

as a friend.

cuz honestly, we did not have stupid arguments until we were "official".

none of this crap would have happened if you didn't pursue me, and i didn't pursue you.

it wouldn't be as awkward now if we just stayed friends in the first place.

but that was quite inevitable.

we were young, pubescent teenagers that craved affection.

but somehow acting upon those emotions ruined us.

so our friendship was the best relationship we had.

and hopefully we will have again soon.

the next rant will probably be about you being an ass,

but you know...

i think i seem mad and say i loath you because i try to block out my feelings for you with hate.

i mean...i still care.

but i don't want to because of the possibility that you don't want me to give a rat's ass.

then i would be wasting my energy.

idk, man.

i'm crazy confused with myself right now.