who would really spend time reading a sad girl's rant?
Hopefully nobody.
Ok. Let's start with lim.
Lim, you are so cute. In the first week of university, 3 guys caught my attention and you were one of them. I just thought you looked shy and cute and I wanted to squish your cheeks. I should've known there was a catch. You're not the best looking guy, but like idc. I don't need a model lol. That ice breaker was the first time I gathered up the courage to talk to you. The human bingo. And to my surprise, you remembered my name! Ahh the feels haha. After that all our interactions were just hi and bye. That's all. Ok now it gets interesting.
One day I come like an hour early to lecture... And surprise surprise, you did too! You approached me first, which caught me off guard bc I was already mustering up the courage to talk to you and planning out what to say or ask, when you started talking.. TO ME! Haha. Obviously at this point my feels were through the roof. I couldn't even look you in the eye lol. We talked for like 45 mins and it was awkward... But surprisingly you tried to keep the conversation going.. Even though I was clearly trying to look for my friends everytime after I answer your questions in such short responses, you kept talking to me; that really impressed me. It's usually me that needs to keep the conversation going, but you did it for me..and at that point I was feels-central lol. You sat behind me during the lecture, and I felt so bad for not acknowledging you or talking to you or sitting beside you. Sorry. Haha I have other friends that wanted to sit beside me ;$ but then I gathered up the courage to ask you after the lecture if it was your last class of the day. It was. Bummer. I was thinking we could walk to our next class together and talk some more. Oh well. But then right before we parted ways, you told me "add me on Facebook!" Haha. I was taken aback and just said ok. Then we left the room. The whole day I thought about what had just happened. Not like obsession.. But it was so amusing to me that YOU approached ME. That never happens. That was the first time. For me. I know pretty girls get approached all the time, but lol it's me and you know.. Ugly girls club president here haha. Anyway, when I got home I completely forgot to add you bc I was so sleepy and tired. I took a nap. When I woke up, i saw my iPod and it said "LIM HAS SENT YOU A FRIEND REQUEST" and that was when I started to contemplate falling for you. To me, that meant you remembered my name. That you wanted to be my friend. That you waited for my friend request to no avail. And that you decided to take charge and just add me instead. That was impressive. Ok fast forward. You talked to me through fb blah blah blah.. At this time I was trying to be cute and shit bc I was starting to like you. You mentioned you're reading a book: finding Alaska. That was +brownie points bc guys who read might understand my feels for fictional/famous characters lol. I was on the edge of committing to that fact that I liked you and I'm going to try to reel you to my heart in the next few months when you mentioned nonchalantly that it is your girlfriend's favorite book. LOL I LAUGHED TO THE HEAVENS WHEN I READ THAT MESSAGE LIKE I LITERALLY CHOKED/LAUGHED. I laughed bc I thought I was so stupid for thinking it was that easy, for thinking I actually had a chance, for thinking that I could like you. I was so close to falling into that pit lol oh man. Yea.. I was a bit disappointed. I tried to play it off like I didn't give a damn, and you probably bought it. I did care, though. I was sad. Fast forward to last night. We talk on fb often.. But last night I told you how I felt. Well, half of what I felt. I told you that I felt uncomfortable talking to you bc you have a gf. I didn't want to step on toes and disrespect your girlfriend. I told you that there's this unspoken girl rule: you don't talk/hangout/try to be friends with a guy that is taken, unless you were friends with him before his current relationship started. You were confused. But it's a real rule and I had to explain how girls are complicated and emotional and sensitive. I didn't mention tht I had some feelings for you bc that would make shit more complicated. I acted like I wanted you to take your gf's side and just step away from our new found friendship a bit. But you didn't. You told me not worry and that our friendship won't be a bother at all. I secretly hoped you'd do that. And you did. But now I'm left here. Literally in the friend zone. At first I was sad and confused. But I think I'm fine with it now. I'll be your friend. I'll treat you like no friend has "hopefully" treated you lol I'll treat you like one of my best friends. But I should warn you: do not fall in love with me. I can keep up friendship, but once you fall for me I will end up falling for you too and that'll ruin my plan. My plan of just being your friend and not ruining any relationships. Don't fall for me. It's unlikely that you will, but I'm just warning you. Bc if you step over that line plz know there is no stopping my feelings. I will go for the kill. And I don't want that haha. Bc that would mean I would be putting my whole heart on the line and I could be ruining the platonic relationship I worked so hard to maintain with you. So no. Ideally, you will only see me as a friend. Forever. So that's that. I'll be your friend and I'll be completely fine with it (:
Now let's move on to JUNGKOOK.
Yes, it seems completely ridiculous to be upset a about a celebrity, an idol! But please here me out haha. Let me explain. So I've known for some time that there are rumors about jungkook's girlfriend or ex or whatever. Something about a girl. I've heard about her, her name, and a picture of her. I didn't think there was sufficient evidence to actually believe it at that point. But yesterday, I found this site while ogling jungkook's pictures.. And it addressed the rumour. And there was this picture of the girl and like a quarter of a guy's face with that guy's hand squishing her cheeks endearingly. Like I said, it only showed like a quarter, maybe even less, than the guy's face. But I know that it's jungkook. I've stared at his pictures too long too many times that I know. I know his face, his features, almost everything about his physical appearance. The picture showed the eye of the guy & I know it's jungkook's cute eye. The picture showed his hands. And I know it's his bulky cute pale hands. I know. It's him and the rumour is probably true. Inductive reasoning led me to this conclusion. I read the article a bit more and found out people are bashing the girl or asking her if it's true, and she responded saying it's not anyone's business what her relationship is with kook. That was it. If it wasn't real, she would've completely denied it or not have said anything. Saying that it's not people's business is a basically saying yes it's true but why the fck do you care? Haha. So why am I so upset about this? Ok here it goes. Bc every guy I seem to like is fucking taken. It always happens. I do not intentionally choose to like people who are already in a relationship. It just feels like I like them and then I find out later on they're already in a relationship. This isnt the first time it has happened! its like the 5th or 7th time! Like the lim situation isn't bad enough. I have to suppress my feelings in real life.. But in my fantasy too? Lol fml. The whole point of me liking someone famous/fictional is that I can imagine or dream that there is a chance of us being together.. An escape from the cruelty of reality. But now, I can't do that. It just- why me? Why MY bias? WHY? ugh
I'm done, guys. I'm just exhausted. Boys suck. They ruin my life. And I hate them. I hate boys. Good bye.
If you read this rant up to this point, I congratulate you for wasting your time. And I thank you for choosing to waste your time by reading about my stupid problems lol
Thanks again (:
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